Tushy’s Taint Tidier
It goes by many names. When I opened the box I saw variations printed right inside. Tushy Bidet aka Tuchus Spritzer aka Perriere for Your Derrière aka Butthole Carwash aka Your Rootin’ Tootin’ Toilet Pal aka Squeaky Cheeky Cleaning Machine aka Hole-y Water aka Bun Gun aka Exturdinator aka Hiney Hydrant aka Poop Chute Riot aka Moon Magic aka Ass-perol Spritz aka Booty Blesser aka Taint Tidier aka Badonkadonk Slam Dunk aka Fountain of Pooradise aka Bumhole Super Soaker aka Good Keister Mister.
Or you could just call it a bidet. Never thought I’d be getting one. But the older I get, the more toilet paper I have to use, and the harder I have to wipe, the more I have to wipe. What am I? A human fucking brown crayon? No matter how many times I rub some TP across my bum, something comes off. Enough of that shit. Literally.
I bought the Tushy Fresh Bidet off amazon and it was delivered during the wee hours of the night. Amazon be delivering at all hours now. They got me checking my porch when I get up at 0400 hours just in case!
Install was almost a breeze. Would’ve been a breeze if not for that pesky old water line running from the wall to the tank of the toilet. It was old. Once I took it off and started bending it a bit, it decided it wasn’t about to stand up to the pressure anymore. A quick trip to Lowes, $5 less in my Lowe’s Bucks account, and I was back in business. If not for that part the install would have taken 10 Minutes.
My morning business has been much smoother for the last couple days. This morning was the real test – the morning after Taco Tuesday. I’m here to tell you that Taco Tuesday was no competition for the Hiney Hydrant. It took care of business. I’ll be going through much less toilet paper from here on out. Who knows. I might even go all Euro and get a monogrammed bum towel. Then if I have guests over (been a couple years since that happened) I can warn them not to use the WB (Wet Bum?) towel.
The knob has 10 settings but it’s a smooth transition from one to the next, no real clicks. 5 seems to be a good pressure for me. Anything more and I’d fear some aqua penetration.
Need to see what I can come up with for the RV…