Walt's Corner

Goddamn it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Like we didn’t already know this. Albertsons had tried pimpin itself out to Kroger for the last 2 years because, let’s face it, they suck and will have to file for bankruptcy. Albertsons thought they had secured Kroger to buy them. 2 years later just when it looked like it was about to happen, not one but two judges said nope faster than Captain Liam Shaw.

What’s Albertsons’ next move? If you can’t get them to buy you then you may as well try to sue them instead.

Being the slow news day that it was, this story somehow made the news. You know, tucked squarely between the CEO headhunter being caught and our own Walmart shooter case being delayed yet again, someone thought we needed to know about some couple’s quest for hitting up every restaurant because it’s not fine dining and more or less average food – something they’d make at home. I mean, I don’t want to steal anyone’s sunshine, so if your dream is to work 45 years so you can retire and spend your retirement savings/time visiting mediocre at best restaurants, don’t let me stop you. This is America. Live that dream, baby.

“The food is like home cooking to us,” Judy McNamara said. “We don’t like fancy cuisine or fine dining. Texas Roadhouse fits the bill of good country home cooking and is family-oriented.”

I don’t eat steak outside my house for two reasons. First, it probably won’t be as good as mine. Second, if it is, then I’m about to be fucked in the wallet. Ain’t happening. I’m looking at you, Cattleman’s Steakhouse at Indian Cliffs Ranch. Seriously? $46 for a 10 0z fillet mignon meal that costs me $7 to make at the house that is just as good, if not better. $70 for a porter house? GTFO. But hey, if you’re looking for a good steak, this is the one to try if you come to El Paso.

Texas Roadhouse falls into the first category. They make an average steak. I could boil a steak that tastes better. Well, maybe not. Fact: if someone claims this is the best steak they’ve ever had, they’ve never had a good steak. They’ve only had average or worse. Another fact: I have eaten at this very restaurant this article mentions. The only place where I’ve had a bone in my pulled pork sandwich.

You’re safe ordering the burger. I think. Oh, and the rolls are great. Worth traveling the country for when you can get them in your local Texas Roadhouse? That’s for you to decide. Also, always great to see that Texas flag flying high regardless of what state you’re in.

When I’m cooking my steak, I treat it like Jesus. Because this bovine died for me, for reals.

In my final installment of the 4 Bs for a great cup of coffee, I go over the perfect brew. Depending on how one is brewing, these factors can change because of the underlying science involved in extracting that coffee flavor we are familiar with.

In review, I have covered Beans, Burn, and Burr. The final step to bring it all together is how you brew. Espresso, for example, the flavor is extracted by emulsification using high temperature water and pressure through a powdery grind of beans. In this article I’ll focus on standard pour-over and drip brewers.

The ideal temperature for coffee flavor extraction is 200º, give or take 5º. Any lower and you have under-extraction; higher and you have over-extraction. This will lead to either weak or bitter coffee, respectively.

Time also plays a factor. How long is this coffee exposed to this water? Too short or too long also leads to the same result – over or under extraction. At 200º and a medium grind, the perfect amount of time is 4 minutes.

All these factors play hand-in-hand in an almost slide-rule type way. Keep the temperature the same but increase the grind size? It will take longer to extract the coffee or allow more brew time than 4 minutes. Same thing with a higher temperature water. Using water closer to boiling? Larger grind.

I’ve never seen a Mr. Coffee type drip machine get close to the ideal temperature of 200º. Every one I have measured clocks in at the 180s. But that’s OK because those suckers can take up to 20 minutes of water running through your grounds, compensating for what would have been an under-extracted brew. It’s called a drip brew because that’s what the machine is doing. The water is coming out in drips. Drip by glorious drip.

Personally, I prefer a pour-over. It varies from the drip in the amount of water entering the brew basket at once. When making a cup or pot of pour over, you generally heat water up just to below boiling and you pour the water over a round brew basket in concentric circles going from the outside to the inside, back to the outside. This keeps the grounds from stagnating. The grounds are constantly moving around, not collecting on the bottom slowing down the time it takes for the water to leave the brew basket and enter your cup or pot.

This is why I prefer Bunn coffee brewers. Technically, they are classified as a pour-over brewer because thats exactly what they do. Have you ever watched these things at a restaurant brew the coffee? That shit is pouring into that pot. No drips there. And guess what? Bunn designed it to complete the brew cycle in 4 minutes. How did they overcome the concentric circles? By forcing the water out through a 5-hole shower head. This keeps the coffee grounds circulating within the brew basket. This is also why the Bunn home brewers have to use a much taller filter than your traditional coffee filter. Otherwise your coffee comes in so fast it would eventually overflow the filter getting coffee grounds in your cup.

Bunns (and Bunn knock-offs such as Avantco) also contain a hot-water heater/tank. The first time set up of this pot one must pour in a couple pots’ worth of water. The boiler will heat the water up to the set temperature and hold it there. These coffee brewers simply stay on all the time providing instant hot water when needed. When it’s time for a pot of coffee a fresh pot of water is poured in, forcing out a pot of already heated water through the brew basket.

Never one to come up short in the mini-story department, Jeff Strand delivers in spades in his latest collection of short stories, Snuggling the Grotesque. Anyone who subscribes to his newsletter will be familiar with his ability to write a short story based on anything, but I’d call those shortER stories, or maybe micro-stories. This collection contains 26 of what you and I would refer to as short stories as only Strand can do with his unholy alliance of horror, thriller, and slapstick comedy.

I’m not a big fan of short stories, hence my 4-star rating. It has to be at least a novella to get 5 stars out of me. The fact I’m even reading a collection of short stories from someone shows you how much in high regard I hold this author.

Ranging from body swapping to chocolate gone evil; trying to get a vampire to bite you to being bit by a mummy; ghetto blasters to fearing the Y2Kbug. Just the grand finale of Mac and Millie, a collaboration between Strand and Bridgett Nelson, is worth the price of admission. There’s something here for everyone. Available from the usual stores and even signed copies from his website.

This is the third installment of four articles for what I refer to as the 4 Bs for a great cup of coffee. You can catch up on Bean and Burn if you’re interested.

A huge contributing factor to a great cup of joe is the burr – or how it’s ground. Burr type grinders are typically higher end coffee grinders. They work by grinding, or crushing your beans down to the proper coarseness. An almost powder for espresso or up to large chunks for French press. Cheaper grinders will use blades, like a blender. These types chop your beans instead of grinding them. They cost less to produce at the cost of uneven grind yield.

Different types of coffee brewing require different size grounds in order to properly extract the coffee taste from the bean to the water. You don’t want to over or under extract the coffee flavors from your grind. But more of that in my final installment of these four Bs – the Brew.

I’d say Starbucks (or any coffee house) exceeds at this particular B. They’ll have the money to purchase multiple quality burr grinders for different types of brewing.

For my Bunn commercial coffee brewer, I use the Bunn LPG-2E that provides an even medium grind and dumps your coffee grounds directly into the brew basket – the perfect amount every time. This particular model has two hoppers and could hold two different types of beans. You select which side you want to grind from. You can control the courseness and the amount of time you want it to grind when you hit the go button. You can also end it early if you don’t want to grind for the entire period of time you have it pre-set to.

I also use the Rancilio Rocky grinder for my daily espresso needs. The portafilter of my espresso machine sits in the holder directly under the chute and provides a powdery-like grind for use in espresso machines. This grinder is intended for espresso however it can handle a wild variety of grinds from espresso to French Press.