Walt's Corner

What the Fuck was That? By Bridgett Nelson – a collection of 3 short-ish stories guaranteed to help keep you awake at night. Especially while camping. Alone. In the dark.

I think this is me putting my toe in the wading pool of splatterpunk. It can’t be full on splatterpunk. That or I’m just desensitized, or I just way overhyped it to myself. Either way, I’ll give her other book, A Bouquet of Viscera, a read before jumping into what I think is the deep end. I’m looking at you, Woom. Ain’t lyin. I’m scared. Side note: I went to A Bouquet of Viscera after finishing WTFWT? when Amazon informed me that I already purchased it in April of last year. A nice surprise.

Getaway, Scars, and Belong comprise this collection. Getaway will make you think twice before taking up that cheap offer for an airbnb. Scars will immediately have you unfriending your favorite authors (Sorry Bridgett, it was fun while it lasted; really, it’s me, not you). Belong? Well, we all have that stalker we love to hate and hope they die in a grease-fire. And if you don’t, well, you’re probably that stalker!

So grab your copy and dive in if you haven’t already. Available in kindle or paperback. Or at least add it to your library. If you’re like me, the next book I add to my library will be the 22^nd book that’s in the queue.

I’m seeing a lot about iPhone beta testing, Re: prescreening calls, on Mastodon. Or maybe it’s part of an echo chamber. Either way, I’m seeing it in abundance.

If you are dead serious about the ultimate screening, lemme tell you what I do. I have not had to deal with a spammer since 2019

Part 1. By my choice/settings, phone is set to NOT alert me to any phone calls unless you are in my contact list. If it’s important, they’ll leave a message. If I feel like it, I’ll return it. To further assist in my introvert lifestyle, I go next level at night. I don’t get notifications from anyone or anything from 9PM to 7AM. Anything that happens overnight can wait until I’m good and ready to start my day. Even if it’s the apocalypse. That shit can wait too or kill me before I even know what’s up. I’m good either way.

Messages would like to send you notifications. Maybe. As long as they’re designated as a friend or family, sure. And we aint talking facebook friends either. If you’ve been to my house to eat my food, we real friends. But the time zone still applies. No notifications between 9PM and 7AM.

Messenger would like to send you notifications. Um… just those real family and friends. And during daylight hours.

Facebook would like to send you notifications. Nope.

Mona would like to send you notifications. Nope.

Mail would like to send you notifications. Nope.

Amazon would like to send you notifications. Nope.                                          

I’ll see there might be something new if I happen to be looking at the phone at the time and go check it out.

Word would like to send you notifications. WTF? Let me be crystal clear. There will never be a time in my life where Word will be allowed to send me a notification. Not in my life. Microsoft can fuck right off with that shit.

Voicemail greeting? Leave it the default “the person at nine… one… five…”

Using these settings, I have not dealt with a spam call in – I couldn’t tell you how long. Years.

Part 2 is having a separate personal work phone. That’s the number I give out to everyone at work both peers and clients. That’s the one I carry around at work. It gets shut off at 4PM and the weekend. My bizness…. Is my bizness, as Limp Bizkit would say. Yeah, I pimp with the Limp. And that takes me to my one big gripe about the iPhone. Give it a power button. Every workday I’ve got to go into settings>general>shut down. Deep down I think there has to be a way to put a shortcut on the Home Screen. But I’m also too lazy to research it. Yet.
Edit: my wife has shown me the witchcraftery that comes from holding the power-on and volume-up buttons at the same time. So my one big gripe is no longer.

It’s nice to be able to text with my customers and co-workers without using my own personal phone, but to maintain that severence you cannot have that personal work phone tied to your Apple ID Messenger service. Just text. Ya gotta green box it.

I don’t answer any calls that are labeled “spam risk.” When I do answer a regular call, I immediately respond with “<insert government office name> Retirement Services Officer, this line is unsecure, how may I help you?” Spammers immediately hang up. It’s like they don’t even want to talk to me! And that makes me feel good. Real good.

Voicemail greeting? Same as I answer this phone. Government office. Title. Unsecure. Don’t leave any classified information or PII. Trust me. They don’t leave messages.

To get straight to my review and forego the backstory like a lil’ punk, scroll on down past the fold. You’ll see it.

My real shaving days began when I joined the Army at an early age. I was kind of lucky. I could get away with not shaving every day in those early years but eventually I had to begin shaving every day. Not having much time to spare, I was forced to find the most efficient way to get shit done, and that was with an electric razor. None of the ones my little soldier salary could afford at the time was good enough to pass the business card test. That led me to the inevitable cartridge style razors. The Razor and Blade Business model. Also referred to as the Bait and Hook, or the Tied Products Model. A company sells something at or below cost (the razor) in order to be able to sell you an accompanying – yet required – part (the razor blade) at grossly inflated prices that make up for the loss of the aforementioned part sold at or below cost. In the end, it’s the consumer who gets fucked.

Fast forward to my second career, I am no longer required to shave, but I do. At least 3 times a week. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I can now afford a nice electric. In fact, that was my first ever purchase from Amazon Prime’s “Deal of the Day.” Remember those days? When you actually got a great deal? Not only that, but for an extra buck, you could have it delivered over night! Got me a nice Panasonic something or other that was sold at the local stores for $250 for a mere $69. And had that bitch overnighted.

Even then, I longed for the days of lore. Shaving cream. Razor blades. Skin as smooth as a baby’s ass, as they say. And just about at that time, a new start up called Dollar Shave Club appeared on the scene with an awesome SuperbOwl commercial. I joined. They sent me my razor blade handle and my blades. The blades were on a subscription model that was something like $2 a month. Plus shipping. Not too shabby. Then the price went up, of course, as all things do.

That got me to thinking about safety razor blades. Those were relatively cheap. I started looking into the old fashioned safety razors and blades. This model is the exact opposite. You pay big bucks for the razor and mere cents for the blades. The trade off? Skill. You need good skill to control that blade so that you don’t make a facial sacrifice. After a bit of research and video watching, I decided on Vikings Blade – The Emperor and The Chieftain – the high and low end, respectively. The Chieftain is a no frills all around good razor. To this day I keep and use it in the RV. The Emperor is top notch, as the McPoyles would say. Not only adjustable, but with separate sides. Wielding both a smooth and notched side. That was back in May of 2019. I have used The Emperor as my daily razor ever since. Until today, that is.

And now, we’ve successfully made it to…

————THE FOLD————

Want my quick summary? Excellent razor. Lightweight and simple. Seems to be less irritating to my skin than my other safety razors. It’s a solid purchase that you probably won’t regret. And if you do? Shoot. They offer a 30-day money back guarantee. Now let’s bloviate.

I’ve been seeing these ads for Henson Razors, claiming to be version 2 of the lowly safety razor. 30-day money back guarantee. Made out of aircraft grade aluminum. I guess these guys out of Canada make parts out of aluminum for satellites that hang out in space as their day job. As a side-project they churn out these 3-piece razors that are supposed to be built to extremely precise specifications resulting in the best shave you’ll ever see. Henson also makes a version out of, <checks website> Grade 5 Titanium. That will set you back, <checks website again> a mere $250 bones. Tempting. But no. At least not yet. I haven’t even tried out the regular Henson yet, for Christ’s sake. I also reserve the right to change my mind at a later date.

I settled on the regular Henson AL13 in the standard Aircraft Aluminum color, which I highly suspect is just the aluminum with no paint. There are 4 other colors. They are pretty, but I’m afraid the paint will eventually rub off. Cost: $69.99. I can add a 100-pack of razor blades to the deal for an extra $10. Sure. Why not. It’s been about a year and a half since I bought razor blades. Henson claims this pack of razors will last the typical shaver 2-3 years. Seems exaggerated, but still. Who else can say they spend $9.99 on razors for a year and a half? I generally use 1 razor blade the entire week. It has 2 sides, it can be turned over for another 2 sides. I shave 3 times a week, I use one side per shave. Probably rather wasteful, but hey, when I’m paying less than a dime per razor blade I can splurge. I added the blades to the cart.

Next, I scoured the interwebs for a discount code. Because I’m a greedy penny-pinching bitch. Jackpot, as Quagmire would say. Found a code that brought the price of the razor blades down to zero. For about $80 I purchased the razor, razor blades, and shipping.

In my opinion no blade is sharper than Feather. Astra is pretty darn close, and at less than half the cost? It’s a no brainer. In fact, as I write this review the Astra is going for $8.98 for a pack of 100 and Feather goes for $22.95 for a pack of 50. Older videos I watched about folks unboxing their Henson razors clearly showed the included blades as Astra. But now they come with a brand called RK. Suspiciously looking, acting, and packaged just like Astra. Even the metal slots line up perfectly as if cut from the same die. I would not be surprised at all if they were simply a rebranded Astra.

I try all different types of shaving soap, but my current is Gentleman Jon Sandalwood applied with a Vikings Blade Dark Stallion Brush. The first thing you notice about the Henson AL13 is the insane light weightiness. It weighs in at an astonishing 39 grams with my Astra razor blade installed. Compared to the 133 grams The Emperor weighs. Initially I thought the razor would be too light. But no. It does the job and does it well. Not as orgasmic as they would imply, but a very close shave. Definitely a keeper. Henson claims no razor burn/irritation. From my experience, they are correct, though that is a person-to-person experience. Your results may vary. What I can confirm is that using The Emperor every day will result in razor burn on my face. Using the Henson AL13 every day did not give me razor burn. In my opinion it lives up to their hype and that says a lot. On the other hand…

I used the Henson exclusively for the entire first week. The second week I used the Henson all but one day. I went back to The Emperor just to see how I felt, because I was missing it. The hefty weight. The smooth glide over my face. This is what the Henson lacks – that smooth glide. In fact. It feels like it is acting as a type of squeegee device on my face as it glides over my skin for that stroke. After that, if I try to hit that same spot again, it feels as though it’s going over dry skin. But rest assured, it’s not. A quick finger to cheek check confirms the cheek is still wet. Just not as wet as I’m used to.

The other gripe, if you could call it that, is the appearance. I love stainless steel. I mean, check out The Emperor sitting there in its throne. All that gleaming stainless steel and chrome. Then look at the same setup but with the Henson. Kind of dull. Not the first hint of prestigiousness emanates from that Henson. But that’s OK. I still have The Emperor if want to experience an aristocratic shave.

If Henson ever does make a stainless steel version of their AL13, I’d certainly spend the coin on it.

I’m not the fastest reader, but I chug along reading every night before bed. The latest finished novel comes from Matt Rayner, Echoes of Home. Reading took me from May 5 – May 23 at my usual intended 15-20 minutes per night but being the page-turner it was, on a couple occasions, had me pushing the envelope at maybe half an hour give or take.

As mentioned previously, this was a page-turner and provided all the tell-tale signs of a great ghost story – the need to turn the page when it is really time to put the book down, tingles running up and down your spine, and closure at the end.

I’m not one to give details of a story, but I will say that it revolves around a man who loses his family to gain another, and solves a pesky apparition problem in the meantime.

You’ll get bonus points for reading past the end and into the acknowledgements in the form of insight into the basis of character names, story, and Rayner’s personal tie-in.

Next up: The Mobius Door, by Andrew Najberg.

Oh wow. I hadn’t realized that Taco Tuesday was actually a trademarked phrase, nor had I heard of Taco John, although I’d doubt the authenticity of any Taco made by a “John.” I kid, I kid. I’d hit it. Then make my decision. After all, who’d eat an authentic taco made by a Walt, am I right? Although I would put my taco up against any other any day.

Matter of fact, I thought I practically had Taco Tuesday trademarked, as I have had and announced Taco Tuesday for as long a I can remember. Check out my signature Brisket Taco Plate. Cue the “I-Made-This” sound byte from the end of X-Files credits.

I smoke my own brisket, just for the use of my Taco Tuesdays and my Breakfast Tacos. I don’t do brisket for dinner slices. I make my own charro beans and rice, and usually the charro beans make a good refried beans. Homemade guacamole and pico de gallo. Sour cream. Wash it all down with a frozen margarita. Served on a 375-degree platter. This. This is every Tuesday in my house. You can set your watch and warrant on it.